Visiting Peru was awesome!
What I didn't expect was how much it would cause me to reflect on Papua New Guinea and my own life.
In a few weeks, it will already be five years since I left Papua New Guinea. Can you believe that? I can and I can't. It's gone by so incredibly quickly and so incredibly slowly. When I compare the state I was in when I returned to the US to the condition I am in now, I'm amazed at the recovery God has given to me. I am so much better, and yet, I still carry some reoccurring griefs and challenges. Those came up unexpectedly in Peru.
One challenge I struggle with is finding my identity in who my family is. This is a great coping mechanism if your family is perfect, but no one's family is perfect. Thus it's not actually a coping option. We all need Jesus. We need Him to be the source of our identity. Any and everything else will fail us.
God, thank you for faithfully and gracefully teaching me the truth of who you are, how great your love is, and how valuable I am because you have adopted me into your kingdom family. Not only teaching me, but gently showing me, over and over again.
Another challenge I face is feeling inadequate. After a particularly long day of touring and traveling, I felt my old nemesis, anxiety, creeping up on me. This was seconded by the half-truth that I can't "hack it" in an international context. Thankfully, I caught that half-lie and answered it with the reality that it has simply been a long day and my adrenal systems is working over time. After that I was able to sleep and felt so much better in the morning and really for the rest of the trip
Here's the victory that God is building up in life: Both And. I can both struggle and be victorious. Struggling doesn't have to be a spiraling devastation. Catching unhelpful thoughts and answering them is a victory. It counts. I've understood this for years. The good news is that it's finally catching on and I'm believing and practicing Both And more often and easily.
And here are some other joyful reflections.
I love my imperfect family. In fact, I really like and enjoy each one of them. That's a gift. I enjoyed catching up, playing games, and seeing Peru with them. Having grandparents who lived and contributed to the kingdom work in Peru is an honor.
Peru was gorgeous! We got to see Lima, Pulcullpa, Yarincocha, Machu Pichu, and Cusco. Each one had a unique culture and story. What a gift to have experienced it. A majority of the ten days I spent in Peru, I was positively overwhelmed by the ancient culture, murals, clothing, and warm greetings of the people.
The tropical climate and way of life in Yarinacocha reminded me of the few weeks I spent in Hiovabon on Bouganiville Island in Papua New Guinea. A molasses-like smell in Machu Pichu was so familiar to me, reminding me of the grasses in the Highlands of Ukarumpa. Again, those were gifts that brought a smile to my face.
I do still enjoy traveling internationally. I was comfortable going through customs, trying out my limited Spanish, and using the intercultural skills of "look, listen, and learn" that I teach.
Living in the nation where I grew up, doesn't make me a missionary failure. Trusting God and continuing to seek Him, and persevering through the lies to believe His truths is a victory I am thankful for.
