2 years ago I "crash landed" in Waxhaw, NC. I've been here in the South for just as long as I've been in Ukarumpa, Papua New Guinea?
Too often I think, if I've been here that long, why do I still question and doubt?
-God, is this what you've called me to?
-Am I supposed to use medication;* do I have to?
-Is God worth the fight, is Christianity what I want to be a part of?
-Do you love me?
--Does anyone love me?
---How could they?
-Can I love other people with your love?
-Have I made any progress?
-Will I be in this fight for right thinking forever?
-When will my energy return?
--What if it never does?
-What if I'm never capable of full-time work ever again?
The ultimate truth that dissolves each and every doubt is this: yes, I am loved. God loves me. I mean, He actively loves me and delights in me. Can you believe that?
Sometimes I doubt, but always God has the victory! and because no matter what I think or believe the truth is that I am His, I walk in victory too! When I recall that truth, then I have no doubt.
Yes, today, this is what I've called you to, God says. Walk with me- Abide; Be present. FIve years ago, this was the first word, my first step out of anxiety: Abide! One translation of the Hebrew for abide means to journey with.
One day at a time, one step at a time, one breath at a time, exist with God. Matthew six tells us to leave worry to God and trust Him
God is so worthy of the fight for personal health. And yes, He's worthy of the fight for the freedom of everyone everywhere spiritually, mentally, and physically.
Christianity isn't perfect because it is made up of humans. Still, yes, I want to be a "little Christ" and pursue Him with my brothers and sisters.
I am beyond thankful for the ultimate coping tool: Alignment. Letting God bring me into alignment under Himself
*The Medication Question is worthy of a whole other blog post. I want to de-stigmatize the use of psychiatric medication in the Christian culture. That being said, I strongly believe medication needs to be paired with mental/emotional therapy and lifestyle choices that work toward the goal of health. Health-care is not a simple issue, but the analogy of physical health helps me cope with the fact that I use medication to help mellow my anxiety. If my leg was broken, I would do something to help it repair. My thinking and reactions are broken. Lifestyle changes, therapy and meds. offer a some repair while I look forward to ultimate healing in eternity.*